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Will You Be My Galentine?

This is a story about female friendships, an honest account about broken friendships and how my life improved after letting go of toxic friends.

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Happy month of love! Valentine’s Day is a special day where lovers celebrate each other but recently my attention has shifted to Galentine’s Day- a day of women celebrating other women.

So what does female friendship look like to you? Do you have a close group of women who support you through ups and downs in life?

As for me, I have a handful of girlfriends whom I consider close, friends who I can confide in and vent to whenever I need a good girl therapy session. I’m extremely grateful for their friendship and will do whatever I can to be there for them when they need me.

Unfortunately though, this didn’t come without disappointment and I learned some lessons along the way.

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First set of broken friendships

Sure friendships can change as we evolve and grow but I’ve learned that some friendships change due to hidden motives, lies, manipulations and jealousy.

Even as I type this it baffles my mind as to why some women would choose to treat other women this way.

A good friend distanced herself from me once I got married. I was young, newly married and about to have my first baby at the age of 24. I was lost, lonely and scared of this new chapter I was about to embark on because there was no turning back. I was about to become a mother.

To this day I’m not entirely sure why she withdrew from me but I had little support from my girlfriends during and after my first pregnancy.  I was confused and hurt but due to my pride and my new life as a mom, I too kept my distance. I had bigger things to worry about– I had to adjust to my new life as a mom and wife.

A few years later I heard that the same friend was in an unofficial relationship with my ex-boyfriend. My ex didn’t bother me but the fact that my friend would make that choice made me realize I was never that important to her in the first place.

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More broken friendships

Upon marriage I thought the friendship drama was over. I narrowed down my girlfriends to ones who I can connect to with my current life, mostly ones who were getting married and becoming mothers one by one. I still kept in touch with a few friends who weren’t married but dating and growing their careers.  I enjoyed hearing their single life stories because it allowed me to live vicariously through them. I loved being a mother, but there were days when I wanted a glimpse of the outside world.

Fast forward many years, over ten to be exact, and I lost another friend whom I thought was going to be my friend for a lifetime. To this day this friend never gave a clear reason as to why she was distancing herself from me but it happened around the time my blog career began to grow.

Little by little she stopped showing up on my social media pages. She stopped liking, commenting and engaging with me even though she was on social media all the time. She stopped calling and texting me. When I asked her what’s wrong,  she simply said she’s been busy without showing interest in my new endeavors.

After a few empty conversations I realized this friend was not who I thought she was. Unlike me who tried to be her biggest cheerleader and supporter with her new interests and business, she became indifferent and distant as I became happier with my life.

Then it occurred to me that she was not a good friend, but a fake friend who secretly competed with me. She was there for me when things were rough, when I was struggling with motherhood and marriage. Then when I began to turn things around by working hard and pursuing my passions, she withdrew as if I didn’t matter.

The last time I saw her in person, her energy was completely different. I can tell that she was filled with disdain towards me. It’s like a veil has been lifted and I can finally sense her true colors. She was no longer hiding behind fake words and smiles. It was chilling but a moment of truth, an awakening so to speak.

Today I’m very grateful and shudder at the thought of being friends with her longer without knowing the truth. Can you imagine what would’ve happened if I continued to believe she was a close friend?

Phew.

My takeaway about female friendships

Today I’m happier and more mindful than ever. Looking back, I’m thankful that these toxic friendships ended because every time I released that cord, my life took a better turn. Whether it’s a new baby, new relationship, new career, or new level of self-awareness, each broken friendship taught me something new and valuable.

It also created space and awareness for better, more meaningful friendships.

Today I share my personal history of toxic friendships because stories like this are everywhere. I’m certain you experienced something similar, or know someone who went through a similar experience. When it happens, it’s hurtful and confusing and we often wonder what WE did wrong, whether something is wrong with us.

Today I share my personal history of toxic friendships because stories like this are everywhere. I’m certain you experienced something similar, or know someone who went through a similar experience. When it happens, it’s hurtful and confusing and we often wonder what WE did wrong, whether something is wrong with us.

I’m here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you, these broken female friendships happen due to a problem with them. Sure we may not be perfect and make mistakes as a friend, but genuine friendships shouldn’t be broken that easily if the connection is real. And if there is an issue or a misunderstanding, it should be resolved through honest communication and understanding.

Toxic friends will never be accountable for their actions and will project all their insecurity, jealousy and problem onto you and try to convince you (and worse, others) that something is wrong with you. Don’t get sucked into their complicated world because it’s not worth your energy and time.

Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, competition or negative perception of self and others, a toxic person will never be able to recognize your goodness no matter how hard you try.

Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, competition or negative perception of self and others, a toxic person will never be able to recognize your goodness no matter how hard you try.

So if you know a friend like this stop trying, take a step back and ask God to bring clarity to your situation. Then move forward with grace and empathy.

Pay attention to who is clapping when you’re winning. This is a great opportunity to tell apart real friends from the fake ones.

But also be vigilant of those who cheer you on just for show or to further their selfish motives. They are the most chilling.

And if you’re the fake friend

If you’re the girlfriend who has a hard time supporting your friends when they’re struggling or winning, take a deep look within yourself.  Take some time to reflect as to why you’re jealous and provoked when you see others happy. Be honest with yourself, heal your childhood wounds and seek therapy.

Whatever you do, try to work on yourself because if you don’t, it’ll be a challenge to create true joy in your life whether in relationship or friendship. Universe mirrors your intentions, thoughts and actions and the longer you live this way, the less things will go your way.

Universe mirrors your intentions, thoughts and actions and the longer you live this way, the less things will go your way.

You may fool people, but you can’t fool God or your higher self.

In the end, you’re only hurting yourself and depriving yourself of real, beautiful and genuine connections.  This world is full of beautiful people and soul level connections. You too, deserve these deeper meaningful relationships. Allow yourself self-love, forgiveness and grace.

This world is full of beautiful people and soul level connections.

galentines-day-female-friendshipsI hope you celebrate this season with joy, gratitude and love. I wish all of you blessed, sacred and lifelong female friendships because they are so precious and valuable. If you have such friends I’m so happy for you- celebrate, be grateful and show them how much you appreciate them.

And if you find yourself lonely this year that’s okay. Now is the time to set your intentions and seek the sisterhood you deserve.

As long as you’re authentic and can show up as your true self, I’ll be honored to be your Galentine!

Here is an old article I wrote  “A Girlfriend’s Guide To Lasting Friendships.” At the time I was unaware that I had another toxic friendship to let go of. I’m hoping that was my last. 🙂

Join the Conversation

17 thoughts on “Will You Be My Galentine?

  1. This is such a thoughtful, timely post. I also saw my friendships ebb and flow after college, marriage, and kids. Friendships are so important — BEING a good friend and HAVING good friends. xo

  2. Love this post! Through the years I have lost a few friends and some I had to let go. As we get older our priorites just shift and some friends just don’t move with that flow. So sad, but true.

  3. Love this article. More blogs about this should be written. I guess we all are looking for like minded people. Wish more women support each other than feeling jealous or threatened by other females. Thanks for showing your perspective!

  4. I’ve had two friends for about 17 years. We will have our fights but we always seem to reconnect even after a few years. We all hung out together until the other two haven’t talked in four years. They kind of put me in the middle sometimes which is hard to deal with. Thanks for the post.

  5. Female friendships are tough! I will add that it’s hard to stay connected to those in a different stage of life. People with kids used to seem really foreign to me.. Now that I have my own, I gravitate towards people with that point of connection. Wishing you the best!

  6. In 40 years, this is the first I’ve ever heard of the term or occasion Gallentine. Years ago, before my friends and I were married, we always celebrated valentines together if we didn’t have a boo. Now it’s become a “thing”. I love it. This makes me want to get back to doing that even though most of us have SO’s now.

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