How I Found Out About My 4th Baby And My Honest Reflections
In fact, I dropped to my knees while holding the positive pregnancy test in my hand and repeated “oh my God, oh my God, this can’t be happening, oh my God” over and over again.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the thought of having and wanting a 4th baby never crossed my mind. There were many moments when my maternal heart ached to hold another newborn in my arms whenever I see my 3rd child doing the cutest thing. I’d often ask myself, “Am I really done?” because I was afraid of the years passing right by my eyes, especially as another birthday came and left. My internal clock kept reminding me that I must make my decision fast, because I’m in my 30’s and soon having another baby might not even be an option.
But THREE was the number in my mind and heart my entire life. I said 2 girls and 1 boy in that exact order and that’s exactly what I got. I knew I was blessed to even have three and four might be stretching myself too thin, especially with a special needs child who needs supervision 24-7, a fast growing tween daughter who needs me now more than ever and a supercharged toddler boy who prefers to run than walk.
Then on that fateful morning, I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand and felt my entire lifetime of motherhood plans being stirred. God had a different plan for me and it was time to step up to the challenge.
Can I handle another pregnancy? Do I have room for another baby?
I knew my body felt different even before I missed my period
I don’t know what prompted me to take that pregnancy test that morning because I still had a few days left until my period. But I remember waking up with chills and cold sweat that morning feeling a weird heartburn-like sensation in the pit of my stomach. If there’s one thing having 3 babies taught me, it’s to always be in tune with my body. I know my body pretty well and I know when something is a little off. And that morning, I intuitively knew to grab that pregnancy test “just in case” because my husband and I had a sushi date planned that evening.
Fast forward a few months, I’m now 13 weeks pregnant. I’m exhausted, sick and tired of feeling this nausea. I’m perpetually tired and so fatigued, that no amount of sleep provides relief.
But my initial worry and anxiety are now replaced with pure gratitude and joy and I’m really starting to feel excited to welcome a new life into the family.
The first trimester was really rough and I still have symptoms such as headaches, intense nausea and fatigue but I can feel they are slowly getting better. I’m hopeful that they’ll slowly lessen as I enter 14 and 15 weeks similar to my third pregnancy.
I’ve yet to find out the gender and I’m so excited to see whether we’ll be joined by a baby boy or a baby girl. I’d love for D to have a little brother but another little girl would be really fun too.
I’m starting to show a lot faster this 4th time around and I saw the baby’s tiny arms and legs kicking on the ultrasound screen yesterday. Even though I’ve gone through this before, it still feels new- and the miracle of life never ceases to amaze me and brings me to tears.
My older daughters are excited for this baby and my toddler knows there’s a baby in mommy’s tummy. I’m not sure just how much of this he understands, but I don’t worry much about the transition because he’s always been quite independent. Being born into a big family seems to help, as he is already used to waiting, sharing and working as a unit instead of having the world revolve around his needs only.
We recently took a family trip to Maui which happened to fall right around my 12 weeks mark. I asked my dear friend and talented photographer Angie Diaz to capture my growing belly and take some pregnancy announcement photos for us. She found a tiny pineapple to represent the baby which is now the baby’s nickname. I love how the photos came out and I’ll be cherishing these photos of Baby Pineapple forever.
Thank you for following along my family’s journey and for all your well-wishes. Please keep me and baby in your prayers as we navigate through uncharted waters. Frankly I’m a little scared for the transition and worry how I can manage it all but I also have faith that God knows what He is doing and that every baby is a blessing whether it’s in our plan or not.
Grateful and blessed– these are the two words that resonate deeply these days and I’m just thankful I get to carry another baby. It’s a privilege and honor I don’t take for granted.
Photos by Angie Diaz Photography
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