How was your week? Mine was busy, filled with the usual responsibilities and work, with twinkles of laughter and joy in between.
What was different about this week though, is that I’ve been experiencing a spiritual shift- an awakening so to speak, and have been doing some deep soul searching. This has been going on for a few weeks now and unlike other times when I just ease back into the daily grind of motherhood, I’m staying in this spiritual realm longer…as if God is saying nope, you’re not getting away that easily this time.
And today I’m meditating and reflecting on this particular topic.
Patience, waiting for divine timing…all the stuff I pretty much suck at.
I’m well aware that God has a plan for everything and that everything passes. One day things will be not just be okay but even better and one day I’ll look back to this moment and know this was just another set of growing pains.
Waiting patiently has to be the hardest task in the world. It’s hard, especially when I don’t want to wait, when I want answers, clarity and results now, when I want things done in this way. NOW.
I don’t want to wait because it’s too hard, I don’t want to wait because it hurts, I don’t want to wait because I’m not sure when it’s going to end, I don’t want to wait because I don’t know how much longer I can wait, I don’t want to wait because it’s not fair, well look– she has it, he has it– why do I have to wait? Why not me? Why not now? So why why why.
*Insert deep breaths, quiet reflection and resistance to repression of emotions.*
Today I’m just waiting. I’m just trying to be patient, just waiting, just waiting for divine timing. I know things will be okay and I know God has my back.
Thirty something years later I still suck at this waiting game. What’s different though, is instead of pouting, crying or drinking away my feelings, I’ve learned to shift my focus on other positive outlets like writing, doing yoga, and vibrating high. Hence, this blog post.
Today I light a candle, say a prayer, close my eyes, take deep breaths and just wait…
Will patience make me more beautiful, will it make me more whole? Will it teach me important lessons that I’m meant to learn in this lifetime? And will it help me to love and serve you better?
If so, I’ll try my best. I’m still here. I’ll be here. I’ll try not to pout, I’ll try not to cry.
Just promise me that you’ll get me when the universe clicks into place and my time finally comes.
Until then, I’ll be waiting.