Blogging And Creative Writing

MD-writing_0001I started writing again.

Not sponsored posts or blog writing but creative memoir writing, writing for a book.

Now the question is would I be able to complete this passion project of mine, and if so, when? As of now I’m following divine timing and trusting that God knows the best time for everything.

Did you know that I’ve actually authored several published stories, including articles in a high school textbook and an Asian-American anthology? I even obtained a graduate degree in English and taught writing for a few years at local universities and college campuses. Before blogging and writing online, I was headed towards a different direction.

But all those doors closed and I was lost. And the funny thing is, the doors closed because I had to make motherhood a priority. I was depressed, discouraged, and resentful towards myself and my surrounding, including my marriage and motherhood.

My goal of authoring my own book is not because I’m fascinated with the idea of fame or publication- in fact, these two things scare the living crap out of me. I tend to care too much about people who don’t give a crap about me and spend more energy than I should worrying about it.

My core is strong but my heart is soft. It’s a blessing and a curse.

My core is strong but my heart is soft. It’s a blessing and a curse.

So this isn’t about fame or popularity or recognition. Rather I feel this urge because there are stories in me that need to be told or I feel trapped, similar to being stuck in a tiny elevator with too many people. I feel like I’m suffocated by these stories and thoughts and people and places and I can only feel the release when I purge on paper, or in this case onto my computer screen.

When one spends most of her childhood reading behind closed doors, then writing profusely in her diary, then stops writing and living life so passionately and poorly that she gets herself into all kinds of trouble, then realizes these recurring problems may be because of her lack of courage and discipline to do what she is designed to do, she ends up running away from everything and begins blogging. First it begins as therapy, then it continues as a hobby, then it becomes an obsession.

First it begins as therapy, then it continues as a hobby, then it becomes an obsession.

Because blogging is a language that’s slightly more familiar than writing a book. Blogging feels less intimidating, less alone.

When one keeps hearing that little voice over and over again, you must write that book, you must write that book and she is scared shitless because she doesn’t know where to start or how to get it done, she turns to other distractions like Instagram, Facebook and mindless TV shows.

She grows her following because she now realizes all the bright opportunities that lie in social media marketing and takes pretty photos because it’s her creative outlet.

She does everything else but write that book.

Because the truth is, no one cares how great of a writer you are or how interesting your story is. If you don’t have an audience, no one will read your book except your family and close friends. Why should they care about your story when everyone has a story to tell? There are thousands of books being published every single day. Why should they read yours?

Successful books aren’t “best written,” they are “best selling.” It’s the tragic reality of modern publication and authorship.

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So she cooks, cleans, changes diapers, lights candles, reads books- countless books, all because she is avoiding that one thing she is called to do. That one thing is too lofty, too difficult, a mountain she’s too scared to climb. Why climb something that frightens you in the first place? Why climb when you’re unsure if you will ever get to the finish line? She’s afraid of failing, she’s afraid of disappointments, she’s afraid of criticisms in the form of Amazon reviews.

She’s afraid of disappointing herself, and that little voice in her head that keeps repeating you must write that book, you must write that book.

She’s afraid of disappointing herself, and that little voice in her head that keeps repeating you must write that book, you must write that book.

Another year down, I’m at the same place as last year. To be fair I worked hard on my blog and am turning this personal space into a lifestyle brand. I worked hard this year without losing my focus and intention. I’m raising three beautiful souls that God entrusted me with. For this I’m proud of myself and grateful for the countless opportunities that showed up at my door this year. I’m certain I didn’t get here alone. I’m certain God and the angels have been with me every step of the way.

Now I’m called to finally face my fears and really do this in the new year. I hope this is the last blog post I’m using as a distraction. The Universe is speaking to me loud and clear and I must do this. Please pray for me. Looks like the angels have already begun.

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If you don’t read personal posts on this blog for some time, please know I’m not busy writing sponsored posts. It’s because I’m challenging myself to face my fears, somehow fit the discipline of daily writing into my already busy schedule. I think I’m gonna finally follow this nagging voice in my soul.

If you read up to here, God bless you. Thank you for lending me your ear and heart because I can’t do this alone. You’re making a huge difference in my journey, so thank you. I promise I’m always praying for you my dear reader, that today serves your highest good as God intended.

Thank you. <3

Angela
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