Momspiration #1: I Should vs I Get To

Do you know the difference between I should and I get to? Do you maintain high vibrations in life and everything you do?

When I was suffering from postpartum depression in 2007 and felt stuck in an endless cycle of self-doubt, overwhelm and guilt, I sought professional help. First I went to go see a clinical psychologist who wrote on a prescription pad that I needed full 8 hours of sleep per day.

I get it. She was happily divorced with two kids and her kids were probably grown, the newborn days far behind her like a distant memory. She had a Ph.D. and a successful practice that made $200 per hour. I’m sure she had a lot more options to escape her harsh realities as needed. She was a success story- the woman who is brave and strong enough to leave her unhappy marriage and begin a new life without her ex.

But at the time her words didn’t help. Instead it made me feel worse because I knew there was no way I can get 8 hours of sleep with a 22 months old and a 2 months old baby who needed me around the clock. I got some help from family but not without tremendous guilt and hiring someone to watch my kids as a SAHM felt wrong.

In fact, I never even considered hiring someone to help me because I was under the false impression that mothering was ENTIRELY MY JOB and that needing help was a major sign of weakness and failure. I was scared to speak up and ask for help even though I needed it so desperately.  I was scared not because I was worried about other people, but because I was so used to acting strong. I tried. I tried so hard to make it but I just couldn’t fake it anymore.

I was scared not because I was worried about other people, but because I was so used to acting strong. I tried. I tried so hard to make it but I just couldn’t fake it anymore.

That would be the last $200 I spend on her hour of talk therapy and I sought someone else. I knew I needed to get well because I was the primary caretaker of my two daughters and I was pretty much on my own. My husband was busy building a business from ground up and preoccupied with providing for us financially. I’m always grateful for his hard work of course, but sometimes I wish he understood even a small part of my pain and isolation. (I have to add that this was a huge learning lesson for both of us and my husband became much more helpful and hands on as we learned about ppd.)

Then I found a female psychiatrist who is able to prescribe medication. I needed something, anything to get me through the day. My brain was in a deep fog and this dark cloud followed me everywhere. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t function, I couldn’t dream of a brighter future. I felt stuck with no way out. It marked the dark ages of my life.

Looking back I knew I was meant to be sitting in her office that day because she gave me good pointers that I carry until this day.

First, she told me I need to raise my vibrations. I wasn’t just depressed, I was trapped in negative and self-doubting way of thinking. I was using the words “I should” instead of “I get to.” When you feel “you should do this,” and “you should do that,” it leads to feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. It lowers your vibrations that can be felt by yourself as well as your surrounding.

Replace “I should” with “I get to.” Raise your vibrations.

Now replace every “I should” with “I get to.” These days I do this without even thinking twice about it because I completely changed my thought pattern. When you begin seeing your responsibilities as something you “get to do,” it feels more hopeful, empowering and positive. We get to spend time with our kids, we get to cook for the family, we get to clean the house, we get to wipe their bottom ten million times a day.

This doesn’t mean mothering stops feeling like work because it still does- but it becomes work we’re privileged to partake in. This shift in perspective doesn’t fix all the problems, but it greatly improves our situation when we don’t have too many choices but to simply endure.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, tired and disconnected from motherhood, you are most likely emitting low vibration thoughts and words. We are all guilty of this so don’t beat yourself up for it, but become more aware of your thought pattern and work on maintaining high vibrations in everything you do, even mundane day-to-day tasks.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, tired and disconnected from motherhood, you are most likely emitting low vibration thoughts and words. We are all guilty of this so don’t beat yourself up for it, but become more aware of your thought pattern and work on maintaining high vibrations in everything you do, even mundane day-to-day tasks.

This doesn’t mean we hide our pains and fake our smiles because this is even more toxic which I’ll discuss at a later post. This simply means that we change our thought pattern and become active participants of motherhood by owning and embracing everything- even the not so pretty and not so glorious parts of motherhood.

If you’d like to read more stories about my journey through postpartum depression, click here.

What kind of words do you use throughout the day? Are you aware of maintaining high vibrations in everything you do? How do you keep up your positivity without hiding and faking it? Please share your tips, ideas and stories below!