I woke up this morning to a gloomy home with little sunlight. My typically well-lit livingroom remained dark and I was unable to get the usual bright and cheery Instagram photo from my writing space. First world problem, I know.
Any writer can tell you that there are moments when the writing muses strike from nowhere and words flow effortlessly to create something beautiful and meaningful. Then there are those moments when you just sit there…and sit there…knowing you want to write about something but don’t know where to start.
Today was one of those mornings so to prepare myself for a good writing session, I picked some flowers from the garden and made myself a cup of warm latte and lit a candle.
Over time, flowers, candles and latte has become some sort of a writing ritual, three things that make me incredibly happy and help to get the writing juices flowing.
Then I sat down, snapped a picture and wrote down these thoughts.
Not much sunlight in my home this morning. It’s a perfect day to pick some flowers from the garden, light a candle and make myself a cup of latte. Gather my thoughts, enter into a meditative state and allow creativity to radiate. Haven’t done stream-of-conscious writing for a while, wonder what words I’ll be left with when I’m done.
My Instagram Post. 6/12/15
I said a little prayer and in a meditative state, asked God to instill in me words, ideas, thoughts that can unravel a meaningful post. Then I sat there, and sat there, and sat there some more.
No inspiration yet, just sitting in darkness and silence, on this quiet Friday morning, waiting for inspiration to strike.
Then an email notification pops up. It’s an email from a team member from my women’s retreat group. In it, she shares a link of a Catholic radio station that can be found here.
It’s a story about a former satanist and his conversion into Catholicism. As a Catholic who is always fascinated by spirituality, the divine mystery and supernatural encounters, I choose to listen. Perhaps this is the inspiration that I’m waiting for.
The story is interesting, disturbing and very enlightening. It speaks about a world that most Christians refuse to see or believe. We know that the devil exists in all corners of the world, but somehow tune him out like a disease to be avoided– and for the right reason. It’s scary, gruesome, and we want to believe it doesn’t affect us as long as we pray vigilantly and attend church every Sunday.
Yet we know deep down inside, that believing in Jesus Christ means we have to believe in the existence of satan. It’s all over the bible, and he got so close to Jesus himself even as He was praying in the desert for 40 days and nights. The more we ignore his presence, the more we allow him to plot against Christ.
This 30 minute radio segment highlights the following.
1) Our children need our prayers now more than ever.
2) Devil’s greatest trick is to convince us that he does not exist.
3) He exists everywhere, infiltrates every part of our lives, including books, movies, video games, music videos- even seemingly “harmless” occult books like Harry Potter and kiddie games like “Bloody Mary” and “Charlie Charlie.”
4) There are millions of satanists in the world, operating as an organized army. They lure children to become immune to evil and infiltrate active church communities.
5) The speaker in the radio claims he broke up hundreds of churches and assisted numerous abortions.
6) His conversion takes place when He sees a vision of the Blessed Mother- whom he had no knowledge of as a baptist- and sees Jesus right behind her. Today he claims to see Jesus in the Consecrated Host (the Eucharist). Then he says it’s amazing to see how empty the chapels are during Adoration, because Jesus is clearly there. He sees Him, everyone else must too, right?
What is Eucharistic Adoration?
For those of you who are unfamiliar, Eucharistic Adoration is a practice in the Roman Catholic, Anglo-Catholic and some Lutheran traditions, in which the Eucharist (the host) is exposed and adored by the faithful. Adoration is a sign of devotion to and worship of Jesus, who is believed to be present under the appearance of the Consecrated Host.
In short, we sit there in the chapel, in silence, and meditate upon this mystery and have a conversation with Jesus Christ. It’s difficult to explain the entire theology behind the Host in one blog post, but I can assure you I’ve had numerous spiritual encounters and have heard many stories of miracles and vocations that happen during this intimate encounter with Christ.
Upon hearing this radio segment, I feel a sudden desire go to Eucharistic Adoration. Conveniently, today is Friday, meaning this is the day my local church hosts Eucharistic Adoration until 6 pm. A coincidence? Perhaps. I don’t think so, but you have every right to believe so. I once would’ve too.
So I go to the chapel and just sit there, in silence, praying for loved ones, for priests and for all the children in the world. Lastly, I ask God what He asks of me.
What is it that you ask of me, Lord? I ask in silence. I know you want me to write…wait, is this what you want me to do? Do you really want me to write?
Writing is such a lonely journey that brings no immediate fruit. I know I can be making more money by working or teaching. I can enjoy more reward and tangible satisfactions that make me more successful in the secular world.
But I keep coming back to this place, where I sit in front of my computer and write in silence.
Who am I writing for? For what end? Do you really want me to write? Please speak to me Lord. Give me clarity…
I wish I can say I’ve heard God’s voice, but I never have- and instead He speaks to me through writings- whether it’d be the bible or other spiritual texts.
So in silence, I grab a book from my purse called The Science of The Cross by Edith Stein, a book that I placed in my purse subconsciously before walking out the door. I really don’t know why I brought this to church, because I usually don’t and I don’t know why I’m reading a book inside the chapel, I normally don’t.
Then I come across these words.
He (St. John the Cross) was a poet as well as a visual artist. He had a need to express in songs that which transpired in his soul. His mystical writings are merely additional explanations of all he expressed directly in his poetry. […]
It [art] is a symbol; that is, it comes from that infinite fullness of meaning into which every bit of human knowledge is projected to grasp something positive and speak of it. It does so in such a manner, in fact, that it mysteriously suggests the whole fullness of meaning, which for all human knowledge is inexhaustible. Understood this way, all genuine art is revelation and all artistic creation is sacred service.
But the Crucified One demands from the artist more than a mere portrayal of the image. He demands that the artist, just as every other person, follow him; that he both make himself and allow himself to be made into an image of the one who carries the cross and is crucified (Edith Stein).
Again, it’s difficult to explain the Theology of the Cross in one blog post. In fact, I’m still learning this very profound, supernatural and mystical concept behind Crucified Jesus.
What I do know is that upon reading such words, tears flowed from my eyes and I felt at one with Christ. I felt exactly what He is telling me to do. Yes He wants me to write and He wants me to share my personal story about how I came to know and love Christ.
I have a few stories- stories that I kept to myself for many years because it’s so sacred to me, stories that I don’t dare share with others because it’s so sacred and special to me.
But He wants me to write that first, and He wants me to come see Him again soon.
And as always, I say yes and obey. I guess I’ll have to write the story. Now I just need to find the courage and self-abandonment to do so.
Please pray for me.